"I gain weight when I'm stressed"

Hmmm. Can't deny this phrase has been on my mind over the past week or two. What has been happening? The usual March stuff, when uni goes crazy because the last fourth of the academic year is starting, and when your system goes crazy because of it's that time of the year when nature can't make her mind up as to what season it is.

March break cut out my trampoline and half of my skating classes, and that combined with a few strikes of bad luck - such as forgotten runners or my coach forgetting to take my skates out of her boot - to result in a considerable cut in my active time. There has been not enough sleep and random eating.

Before all this, the scale kept flashing lower and lower numbers each time I checked. I bounced up and down and all around the locker room, and it felt so good. :) Having no scale, I can only weigh myself at the gym, but I didn't need a weigh-in to know that the wonderful downward trend has been interrupted, and even partially reversed since that last check. I could tell just by looking at the area surrounding my belly button! ;)


It's a bit weird to have an instance of 'one of those' thoughts crossing your mind while waiting for the pedestrian crossing light to change. But that's what happened to me a few days ago. And here is what I think - any time, any place, any moment is great for a moment like that - as long as you do something with it!

Here is the tale. :) At some point in life, I got 'hooked' at the idea that I'm one of those people who react to stress by gaining weight. I'm saying 'hooked' because it was an idea which simply adopted when I came across it, made it apply to myself without really thinking about it, and never questioned it. The nature of the environment I grew up in provided a perfect reinforcement. I accepted the notion that I gain weight when stressed, and with that came the longing to be the opposite - to be one of those 'chosen' people who get lose, not gain.

The thought which hit me while waiting for that light to change was a very simple one. So simple that I can't believe that I've never thought about it before and never questioned the notion of weight gain being a given result of stress. The idea isn't revolutionary. Unless you call the idea - the fact, actually - that you are what you eat a revolutionary discovery. Or the fact that the extra centimetres and pounds come from the food you eat, not from a bad weight gain fairy who has it in for you. So what was the idea?

It's not the stress that makes you gain weight.
It's what you do when stressed. Especially what, how much, and how you eat.

That was a revelation, a moment of enlightenment. I knew that the eating patterns in which I had engaged over the preceding (and following...) days were not healthy. I knew where the undesired changed around my belly button area came from. I knew why I was eating the way I did.*

It's common knowledge that exercise is the first thing to go when we're busy and stressed, and that the unraveling of our usual healthy eating patters is not far to follow. There is no time to go to the gym, there is no time to prepare a meal, it's easier to relax on the couch and grab take out. Or so we say - and probably think. It's all about what's easy - and fast.

It wasn't hard to see where my recent patterns were going to lead, and why.
It also wasn't hard to realize that the notion of automatically gaining weight when stressed doesn't quite apply to me. Truth be told, stress and I are very close acquaintances. :P It has to do with how I handle things, but honestly, I'd be two if not three times my current size if my body really did go into a "let's add weight" mode whenever life got hectic. That's what most of my stress comes down to - hectic times and guilt for having procrastinated earlier and now not having stuff under control.

When I look back at my life, the times when I really was under a lot of stress were also times when I didn't eat - that was the way in which the stress affected me. I can remember several instances when I would not eat for several days - or eat very little, and also go on very little sleep. My system needed neither food nor sleep - the stress was too intense to process either. I'm not saying that it was healthy, just that this is what would happen (not frequently).

Did I gain weight during such periods? Quite the contrary. Do I gain weight because I'm stressed out? Not at all. Do I gain weight when stressed out? I might, but not because of the stress. Will I gain weight when skipping gym and getting pizza delivered because I feel I'm stressed and under pressure? Hell yes!

Do I need to say where the 'undesired changes in the belly button area' came from* ;)

So a bit of a setback in this neck of the woods, at least on the scale. Yet I'm not worried and have not given up - quite the contrary, I know I have the power to change things, and I know I will. :) Things are different this time around. I'm not letting myself think "I'll get back to it when this essay is done" or "Just need to study for this test, and then I'm back to the gym." None of that. I know I'll keep at it. And the key here isn't weight loss, or even fitness. It's about how great it makes me feel. :D

I'm still having the best time of my life at the gym and scored a big victory there earlier today: the bus arrived at my bus stop 4 minutes behind schedule, and I had needed exactly those 4 minutes not to be late to my favourite kick-ass fitness class. In the past, I'd have given up and not gone. Apart from being late, which I absolutely hate, the knowledge that I'd have to be in the front row would have kept me away.

Well, I did end up in the front row and - gasp - the instructor used me to count down the reps on several exercises, always picking the exact moment when I was about to take a mini break because it felt like my muscles were about to burst. But I survived and realized that I didn't mind being in the front of the class at all. It actually made following the instruction a lot easier, without the sight of all the legs and arms there to confuse me. ;)

The class it's a dream - an awesome instructor whose exercises literally kick butt so much that you can still feel it two days later; hard work, but what fun! The fun was a major reason why I did attend despite being late. But I realize that my own attitude and approach is what makes it so much fun. :)

And yes, I'm definitely taking action on the 'one of those thoughts' at-the-traffic-lights-moment. :)


*By saying "eating the way I did" I do not mean take out or McD -- just too much of my usual foods, too little thought, too much of grabbing food just because it was there, too much of 'grab and go', and too much chocolate indulgence. There was only one pizza delivery incident, but that was more because I did feel like pizza and had felt like it for quite a while. That craving has been satisfied and I know it will be months before it comes again, if at all.