My Name Isn't Emily

It's time for a proper introduction, I think. Yet no matter the resolve, I'm still finding myself unable to convey the thoughts, feelings... Some of the difficulty comes from confusion, some from fear. I'm afraid that giving up anonymity and sharing certain thoughts on a blog which nearly anyone could read is equivalent to giving up the invisible shield which protects me from people and from the world. Moreover, I'm finding it difficult to determine who I am and why I decided to actually start this blog after pondering it for over three months.

So who am I, and why this blog?
My name isn't Emily, yet like her, I am a chaser of rainbows. I chase those fleeting beauties, but never let one dominate the journey itself. Sometimes I resume interrupted quests, sometimes I forsake the ongoing ones in favour of a new spectre on the horizon, no matter how faint. It's all about the promise of a different - and hopefully better - tomorrow. A better me.

The journey is not a straightforward one, and there are many bends and hills along the road. I am writing this, so that the memory of them, and of the journey itself, do not go forgotten once I reach its end.

A Meme For A Good Beginning

Hello world! :) I've been toying with the idea of starting this blog for three or four months now, and now that I have resolved to actually do it, I'm finding it difficult to write up all the stuff which has been swirling in my head. Maybe I just need to get the first post over with? :) I'm going to try with a me-me, which I got from Phil's blog back in November.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Oh no, yet again, just when I had thought that my skin was clearing... (that was upon the sight of a new beak out...)

2. How much cash do you have on you?
Less than $2. It's quite a bit, actually, usually I have none!

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
Four.

4. Favorite planet?
I've always been very intrigued by Jupiter and Saturn. :)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Don't have a missed call list...

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Don't have that either... My Australian cell phone doesn't work here. And even when I was still using it, I just went with one of the generic ones which were already on the phone.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
A lovely fluffy-ish woolen sweater, which I got in Winners a few years back. It's warm and feels great on my skin, and it's one of those tops of mine which I don't wear often - because I like them so much and want them to last forever!

8. Do you "label" yourself?
Probably. Well, certainly.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing?
No brand... got them from a very small shop in Europe. Black casual boots with zippers on the side. They happen to be hideously dirty at the moment even though I cleaned them this morning. I hate slush!

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright. But I like natural light, or several small lamps placed in various spots and illuminating the walls. A big lamp in the middle of the ceiling is a no-no.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I stole it from Philippa ages ago. ;) I've never met her, but she is a great inspiration, and seems like a very fun yet at the same time a very balanced person.

12. What does your watch look like?
Don't have one right now... Steve's mom gave me her old watch after my own broke down over a year ago. Unfortunately, this watch also broke down recently... I was using my stopwatch (blue) until it also died. See a pattern? ;) I don't think I've ever had a watch last me longer than 11 months, which is really frustrating!

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Falling asleep, or trying to. Or maybe I was already asleep.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
That was ages ago, in Australia. Probably a train cancellation notice?

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
I pass by one on my way home when I walk. Not sure if there is 7-11 close to where I live.

16. Whats a word that you say a lot?
Oups nd kik. Kik has a secret meaning. :)

17. Who's the last person that told you they love you?
Steve. :D

18. Last furry thing you touched?
The sweater I'm wearing. :P It's fluffy. Before that, probably some cat. Lots of them in my neighbourhood.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Does coffee count? Actually, it's been longer than 3 days since my last coffee anyway.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None, but I do need/want to get some photos scanned and digital ones printed.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
18 was good. 21 was good. 22 was good. 23 was good. After that, I stopped counting. ;)

22. Your worst enemy?
Myself.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
I rotate two, both of which are scans of Steve's sketches. One is with penguins, and one with sparrows.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"It's due in 3 hours" to a student who was taking a book out.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
At the moment, I'd pick flying. But rationally, give me the money NOW! ;)

26. Do you like someone?
Very much. :)

27. The last song you listened to?
That would have been on Sunday night while on the bus home after work. Dido was playing, but I can't quite remember which song!

28. What time of day were you born?
8:55 am, I think.

29. Whats your favorite number?
9.

30. Where did you live in 1987?
In a cramped apartment in a very old, run-down house on a small gray street. But I spent quite a bit of time away - in at least two different locations in the countryside, at my aunt's place whenever I was sick, and I practically lived in the kindergarten, being one of the first kids to arrive and one of the last ones to go home. I think it was around that time that I had resolved to run away from home and live in one of the huge poplars which I could see from the balcony.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not really.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
Doubt anyone would... (there's my self-worth for you...).

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
It was right after the start of the academic year here, and I was volunteering at the International Student Centre at my uni. My job was to greet the newly-arriving international students, and then to basically drown them with information about the campus and the city. At some point, a girl came running and said something about a plane crashing somewhere and if any distressed American students came in, to direct them to the counsellor upstairs. It was busy, and I didn't quite get it. Later on I was on my way to a lecture, and had to pass through a lobby which had a huge wall TV. I had never seen that many people there, and I remember thinking, "Gee, that TV sure is popular..." Then I glanced at the screen and did a long "Oooooh..." in my head.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I avoid them like a plague, so fortunately that doesn't happen too often!

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
I try to. Lots of people say I am. But sometimes I get really worked up.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
No idea. Somewhere where it was sort of hidden and not immediately visible, that's for sure. That would be an interesting way to surprise people. Doubt I'd ever get one though, just not my thing.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
I can't pick just one! Probably French, because it's so beautiful, but on the other hand, it would be nice to be really fluent in German after all these years!

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Certainly.

39. Are you touchy feely
Yes, but only with those close to me. I hate when strangers touch me.

40. What's your life motto?
Smile!

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Contact lenses. Ear-rings. A watch, if I had one at the moment. Used to be my pedometer, but I haven't been using it much recently.

42. What's your favourite town/city?
Again, impossible to pick one! :) Let's say Krakow (Poland)!

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
*gasp* A hot-dog... I had not brought enough food to uni yesterday, and I was starving and that was the only thing I could afford ($2.25). It wasn't that bad actually. I hadn't had one since the last time I found myself in this situation (last September or so), and I headed to the gym shortly after.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I wrote a couple of cards recently - a Valentine for my Sweetheart, a birthday card for his Nan, and then a letter/Christmas card to my best friend back in December. A 'real' letter though? Years ago. :( How I miss writing letters... I used to have lots of pen pals all over the world, but no more.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
Never tried. I reckon I'd manage if I had a set of instructions!

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? Ummm... the real first love, or the first crush?
I had my first crush in kindergarten, the older brother of one of the girls. Never heard anything about him, mostly because I didn't really know him or his sister. There were a few crushes later on, but no true love until I met Steve. Hope to speak with him on the phone tonight and find out what's up. :)

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
Nothing past my grandparents really, and about them I know very little. Though apparently my mother's uncle once traced the family 250 years back - and that would have been thirty to fifty years ago.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
Let's put it this way - it's been a long time! At the moment, 'fancy' is whenever I feel good in something I'm wearing, and when I can wear something that's been at the back of the closet for ages ('cuz it didn't fit).

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Not today. A few days ago my legs were sore all over (result of a very intense ABT class a few days ago!), but another class a the gym seems to have helped with that.

50. Have you been burned by love?
Yes, though I no longer know if that really was love (probably not). Still hurt.

Chaser of Rainbows

Once, when Emily had been very small, living with her father down in the little old house at Maywood, where he had died, she had started out to seek the rainbow's end. Over long wet fields and hills she ran, hopeful, expectant. But as she ran the wonderful arch was fased - was dim - was gone. Emily was alone in an alien valley, not too sure in which direction lay home. For a moment her lips quivered, her eyes filled. Then she lifted her face and smiled gallantly at the emtpy sky.
"There will be other rainbows." she said.
Emily was a chaser of rainbows.

L.M. Mongtomery, "Emily's Quest"