(written on Friday, March 25th)
What a glorious day I've had!
My good days often follow a pattern - fairly good sleep, up bright and early, busy, but productive, fulfilling and very much according to plan (unless it's a day when I decide to have no plan). I usually feel best when accomplishing things, ticking things off various lists - both on paper and mentally/internally. Today was and wasn't like that.
My alarm went off around 6:30 am, early enough to take myself to the chiropractor and make it to work for 8:30 am. However, I felt too tired to get up, and spent a while longer in bed, hovering between sleep and awakeness (is that even a word?), with the alarm going off every few minutes (too tired to actually re-set it, which is something I would normally do in this situation). The knowledge that I could go to chiro later in the day meant less incentive to stop the snooze button fest.
So not exactly what would I call the beginning of a good day. Yet looking back, I am amazed at how little that actually affected me- I didn't actually remember about this 'failure' until now. Lots of things made me smile and feel good as the day progressed:
--- The train I took was nearly empty, which was totally unexpected and very fun (I got to sit down and read!); I also tried a different route, which involved a short bus ride and 4 train stops instead of a longer bus ride and 2 train stops - just for variety and because...
--- I got a coffee on my way to work (the actual reason for the route alteration was to have enough time to step into Second Cup!) and really really really enjoyed. That was another surprise, as I had thought that I'd actually need a coffee in order to stay awake. It became a treat instead.
--- Work was quite good. To be honest, I'm kind of bored with my job (library) and fed up with the place I work at, so sometimes it's hard to maintain a positive attitude. Today brought one of the good things which sometimes happen at my job - a schedule change which totally makes your day. From time to time, there are also schedule changes which totally mess up your day, obviously, but this time luck was with me. I got sent to a different location, and...
--- Walking there gave me a chance to notice how beautiful the day was - sunny, clear blue sky, quite warm. I also got to have very little to do for over an hour, and spent that time reading some blogs and emailing to my Sunshine. And I came up with something of a plan for the rest of the day: readings, groceries, pick up books, chiro, a bit of cleaning, workout, phone (not necessarily in that order)
--- I had not been able to take my break, so got to leave early instead. I left the library but stayed in the building to have lunch (cucumber and Havarti cheese sandwich, peach yoghurt, grapes - delish!). However, the greatest part was that I felt very comfortable in that spot and pulled the readings out of my bag even before I finished eating and...
--- Stayed seated on that bench for a while. Totally enjoyed the time spent on course work, aka readings. I'm starting to get some ideas for one of my essays and am looking forward to working on it (yay!). This was wonderful because recently I've often had to make myself do school work - and didn't always succeed in that.
--- In the end, I left because the area started getting noisy. I was reading a couple of chapters which had really drawn me in, which made it easy to drown out all the comings and goings and chats and mobile phone rings. I knew that the next reading wouldn't be as exciting, and didn't want to stay somewhere where all the distractions would make productivity next to impossible (for a history student, 'productivity' is very much about how many pages you get through in a given amount of time - and thus whether you have to go back to them later on because you don't remember anything). I had a vague idea of what needed to be taken care of during the afternoon, but not quite a plan so...
--- I just went with the flow and adjusted the pattern as I went. At the end of the day I had completed everything but one phone call (which was better saved for the next day anyway).
--- The weather was so beautiful! I picked up the books, then decided to head home, so that I could do my workout outside. I was a bit early for the bus, so I decided to walk ahead and catch it at one of the further stops. This led to a pleasant stroll through one of my favourite neighbourhoods, so lovely.
--- Pleasant surprises awaited at home: I pulled an important document out of the mailbox and found a FedEx notice on the doorknob. I had been waiting for the document rather anxiously and worried that it would not get here on time, so yay! And the FedEx note was for the delivery of something that I had ordered just a few days ago -- and didn't expect to receive until the end of the month. Add to that a post office notice (another super important document) which arrived the day before and you get my joy!
--- I changed into workout gear and headed outside. The workout was great, and I dropped by the post office on the way back. Having all these papers in my hand makes me feel so much more calm about everything!
--- Later on there was a delicious salad, using my standard recipe, but with the first ever addition of avocado (turned out very yummy!), another pleasant walk through a nice neighbourhood on my way to chiro and a visit to the grocery store. I finished the day with a face mask and a mini-clean in the bathroom, feeling happy, rested and fulfilled.
Why was this day so great?
Well, the beautiful weather and sunshine certainly made a mark, but I'm quite positive that the main reason was something else: For the first time in a couple of weeks, I had had enough sleep - both in terms of quality and quantity. And that made the world of difference to how I was feeling and how I approached the day.
Recently I've been sleeping really badly, and it has greatly affected not just my productivity, but also my mood. My sleep pattern was something like 5-7-12-6-5.5-11-6 hours. No wonder I couldn't quite function... Today was a wonderful change after having been feeling tired, irritable and frustrated for so long.
This is not the first time that I will be making this promise to myself. But I really want to make sleep more of a priority. Make it eight. Get those eight hours each night. It will be a crusade, but I will persist!
The timing is very bad for making this kind of decision - the end of the semester is around the corner, and I have lots and lots of essay writing to do. I know that within a couple of weeks, I will feel that sleep is a waste of time. But I also know how beneficial it will be to get enough sleep. Wish me luck! :)
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
"I gain weight when I'm stressed"
Hmmm. Can't deny this phrase has been on my mind over the past week or two. What has been happening? The usual March stuff, when uni goes crazy because the last fourth of the academic year is starting, and when your system goes crazy because of it's that time of the year when nature can't make her mind up as to what season it is.
March break cut out my trampoline and half of my skating classes, and that combined with a few strikes of bad luck - such as forgotten runners or my coach forgetting to take my skates out of her boot - to result in a considerable cut in my active time. There has been not enough sleep and random eating.
Before all this, the scale kept flashing lower and lower numbers each time I checked. I bounced up and down and all around the locker room, and it felt so good. :) Having no scale, I can only weigh myself at the gym, but I didn't need a weigh-in to know that the wonderful downward trend has been interrupted, and even partially reversed since that last check. I could tell just by looking at the area surrounding my belly button! ;)
It's a bit weird to have an instance of 'one of those' thoughts crossing your mind while waiting for the pedestrian crossing light to change. But that's what happened to me a few days ago. And here is what I think - any time, any place, any moment is great for a moment like that - as long as you do something with it!
Here is the tale. :) At some point in life, I got 'hooked' at the idea that I'm one of those people who react to stress by gaining weight. I'm saying 'hooked' because it was an idea which simply adopted when I came across it, made it apply to myself without really thinking about it, and never questioned it. The nature of the environment I grew up in provided a perfect reinforcement. I accepted the notion that I gain weight when stressed, and with that came the longing to be the opposite - to be one of those 'chosen' people who get lose, not gain.
The thought which hit me while waiting for that light to change was a very simple one. So simple that I can't believe that I've never thought about it before and never questioned the notion of weight gain being a given result of stress. The idea isn't revolutionary. Unless you call the idea - the fact, actually - that you are what you eat a revolutionary discovery. Or the fact that the extra centimetres and pounds come from the food you eat, not from a bad weight gain fairy who has it in for you. So what was the idea?
It's not the stress that makes you gain weight.
It's what you do when stressed. Especially what, how much, and how you eat.
That was a revelation, a moment of enlightenment. I knew that the eating patterns in which I had engaged over the preceding (and following...) days were not healthy. I knew where the undesired changed around my belly button area came from. I knew why I was eating the way I did.*
It's common knowledge that exercise is the first thing to go when we're busy and stressed, and that the unraveling of our usual healthy eating patters is not far to follow. There is no time to go to the gym, there is no time to prepare a meal, it's easier to relax on the couch and grab take out. Or so we say - and probably think. It's all about what's easy - and fast.
It wasn't hard to see where my recent patterns were going to lead, and why.
It also wasn't hard to realize that the notion of automatically gaining weight when stressed doesn't quite apply to me. Truth be told, stress and I are very close acquaintances. :P It has to do with how I handle things, but honestly, I'd be two if not three times my current size if my body really did go into a "let's add weight" mode whenever life got hectic. That's what most of my stress comes down to - hectic times and guilt for having procrastinated earlier and now not having stuff under control.
When I look back at my life, the times when I really was under a lot of stress were also times when I didn't eat - that was the way in which the stress affected me. I can remember several instances when I would not eat for several days - or eat very little, and also go on very little sleep. My system needed neither food nor sleep - the stress was too intense to process either. I'm not saying that it was healthy, just that this is what would happen (not frequently).
Did I gain weight during such periods? Quite the contrary. Do I gain weight because I'm stressed out? Not at all. Do I gain weight when stressed out? I might, but not because of the stress. Will I gain weight when skipping gym and getting pizza delivered because I feel I'm stressed and under pressure? Hell yes!
Do I need to say where the 'undesired changes in the belly button area' came from* ;)
So a bit of a setback in this neck of the woods, at least on the scale. Yet I'm not worried and have not given up - quite the contrary, I know I have the power to change things, and I know I will. :) Things are different this time around. I'm not letting myself think "I'll get back to it when this essay is done" or "Just need to study for this test, and then I'm back to the gym." None of that. I know I'll keep at it. And the key here isn't weight loss, or even fitness. It's about how great it makes me feel. :D
I'm still having the best time of my life at the gym and scored a big victory there earlier today: the bus arrived at my bus stop 4 minutes behind schedule, and I had needed exactly those 4 minutes not to be late to my favourite kick-ass fitness class. In the past, I'd have given up and not gone. Apart from being late, which I absolutely hate, the knowledge that I'd have to be in the front row would have kept me away.
Well, I did end up in the front row and - gasp - the instructor used me to count down the reps on several exercises, always picking the exact moment when I was about to take a mini break because it felt like my muscles were about to burst. But I survived and realized that I didn't mind being in the front of the class at all. It actually made following the instruction a lot easier, without the sight of all the legs and arms there to confuse me. ;)
The class it's a dream - an awesome instructor whose exercises literally kick butt so much that you can still feel it two days later; hard work, but what fun! The fun was a major reason why I did attend despite being late. But I realize that my own attitude and approach is what makes it so much fun. :)
And yes, I'm definitely taking action on the 'one of those thoughts' at-the-traffic-lights-moment. :)
*By saying "eating the way I did" I do not mean take out or McD -- just too much of my usual foods, too little thought, too much of grabbing food just because it was there, too much of 'grab and go', and too much chocolate indulgence. There was only one pizza delivery incident, but that was more because I did feel like pizza and had felt like it for quite a while. That craving has been satisfied and I know it will be months before it comes again, if at all.
March break cut out my trampoline and half of my skating classes, and that combined with a few strikes of bad luck - such as forgotten runners or my coach forgetting to take my skates out of her boot - to result in a considerable cut in my active time. There has been not enough sleep and random eating.
Before all this, the scale kept flashing lower and lower numbers each time I checked. I bounced up and down and all around the locker room, and it felt so good. :) Having no scale, I can only weigh myself at the gym, but I didn't need a weigh-in to know that the wonderful downward trend has been interrupted, and even partially reversed since that last check. I could tell just by looking at the area surrounding my belly button! ;)
It's a bit weird to have an instance of 'one of those' thoughts crossing your mind while waiting for the pedestrian crossing light to change. But that's what happened to me a few days ago. And here is what I think - any time, any place, any moment is great for a moment like that - as long as you do something with it!
Here is the tale. :) At some point in life, I got 'hooked' at the idea that I'm one of those people who react to stress by gaining weight. I'm saying 'hooked' because it was an idea which simply adopted when I came across it, made it apply to myself without really thinking about it, and never questioned it. The nature of the environment I grew up in provided a perfect reinforcement. I accepted the notion that I gain weight when stressed, and with that came the longing to be the opposite - to be one of those 'chosen' people who get lose, not gain.
The thought which hit me while waiting for that light to change was a very simple one. So simple that I can't believe that I've never thought about it before and never questioned the notion of weight gain being a given result of stress. The idea isn't revolutionary. Unless you call the idea - the fact, actually - that you are what you eat a revolutionary discovery. Or the fact that the extra centimetres and pounds come from the food you eat, not from a bad weight gain fairy who has it in for you. So what was the idea?
It's not the stress that makes you gain weight.
It's what you do when stressed. Especially what, how much, and how you eat.
That was a revelation, a moment of enlightenment. I knew that the eating patterns in which I had engaged over the preceding (and following...) days were not healthy. I knew where the undesired changed around my belly button area came from. I knew why I was eating the way I did.*
It's common knowledge that exercise is the first thing to go when we're busy and stressed, and that the unraveling of our usual healthy eating patters is not far to follow. There is no time to go to the gym, there is no time to prepare a meal, it's easier to relax on the couch and grab take out. Or so we say - and probably think. It's all about what's easy - and fast.
It wasn't hard to see where my recent patterns were going to lead, and why.
It also wasn't hard to realize that the notion of automatically gaining weight when stressed doesn't quite apply to me. Truth be told, stress and I are very close acquaintances. :P It has to do with how I handle things, but honestly, I'd be two if not three times my current size if my body really did go into a "let's add weight" mode whenever life got hectic. That's what most of my stress comes down to - hectic times and guilt for having procrastinated earlier and now not having stuff under control.
When I look back at my life, the times when I really was under a lot of stress were also times when I didn't eat - that was the way in which the stress affected me. I can remember several instances when I would not eat for several days - or eat very little, and also go on very little sleep. My system needed neither food nor sleep - the stress was too intense to process either. I'm not saying that it was healthy, just that this is what would happen (not frequently).
Did I gain weight during such periods? Quite the contrary. Do I gain weight because I'm stressed out? Not at all. Do I gain weight when stressed out? I might, but not because of the stress. Will I gain weight when skipping gym and getting pizza delivered because I feel I'm stressed and under pressure? Hell yes!
Do I need to say where the 'undesired changes in the belly button area' came from* ;)
So a bit of a setback in this neck of the woods, at least on the scale. Yet I'm not worried and have not given up - quite the contrary, I know I have the power to change things, and I know I will. :) Things are different this time around. I'm not letting myself think "I'll get back to it when this essay is done" or "Just need to study for this test, and then I'm back to the gym." None of that. I know I'll keep at it. And the key here isn't weight loss, or even fitness. It's about how great it makes me feel. :D
I'm still having the best time of my life at the gym and scored a big victory there earlier today: the bus arrived at my bus stop 4 minutes behind schedule, and I had needed exactly those 4 minutes not to be late to my favourite kick-ass fitness class. In the past, I'd have given up and not gone. Apart from being late, which I absolutely hate, the knowledge that I'd have to be in the front row would have kept me away.
Well, I did end up in the front row and - gasp - the instructor used me to count down the reps on several exercises, always picking the exact moment when I was about to take a mini break because it felt like my muscles were about to burst. But I survived and realized that I didn't mind being in the front of the class at all. It actually made following the instruction a lot easier, without the sight of all the legs and arms there to confuse me. ;)
The class it's a dream - an awesome instructor whose exercises literally kick butt so much that you can still feel it two days later; hard work, but what fun! The fun was a major reason why I did attend despite being late. But I realize that my own attitude and approach is what makes it so much fun. :)
And yes, I'm definitely taking action on the 'one of those thoughts' at-the-traffic-lights-moment. :)
*By saying "eating the way I did" I do not mean take out or McD -- just too much of my usual foods, too little thought, too much of grabbing food just because it was there, too much of 'grab and go', and too much chocolate indulgence. There was only one pizza delivery incident, but that was more because I did feel like pizza and had felt like it for quite a while. That craving has been satisfied and I know it will be months before it comes again, if at all.
Monday, March 12, 2007
The Nth Coming of a Gym Bunny?
I've been having an absolute blast at the gym over the past few weeks. Loving every single second of each minute that I put in, loving the feeling of accomplishment afterwards and having all the fun in the world. Who would have thought?
I'm no stranger to "I'll start going to the gym regularly next week/ next month/ after exams." I'm no stranger to getting all revved up, working out like a maniac for one, two, maybe three weeks and then never wandering anywhere near the gym for months, until a new "This time I'll stick with it" phase hit. Even early this year I was ready to make gym-going resolutions. I didn't though, and my recent gym going has little to do with 'resolving' to incorporate regular exercise into my life.
After a few half-hearted visits to the campus gym in September and early October (only Aquafit classes, as far as I can remember), the place had not been graced with my presence until mid-February. I spent all those months feeling guilty and discouraged. Thankfully there was no associated bank account depletion, since my gym membership is covered by university tuition.
Still, I alternated between feeling guilt about not having made myself visit the gym, and guilt for having wasted precious money on locker rental and towel service (that was at times when I was sure I'd never make use of either again). There was a lot of "I just don't have the time" or "I just can't make the time next week or the week after, look at all this stuff I'm already behind on everything" and "I don't want to, don't feel like it and hate the gym anyway."
I wasn't completely inactive - there were trampoline classes, skating, occasional yoga and a few runs. And I was walking to campus and back, 40 minutes one way, pretty much every single day of the week. Yoga and runs were too infrequent to really count as a fitness effort. And I've never considered any of the other activities to be 'hardcore' exercise. Trampoline was my new fun activity, and it wasn't exactly a workout because bouncing time was rather limited due to class size. Skating has always been about fun, and fun only - even though some days I am drenched with sweat afterwards. Walking is no deal for me - it's something I love and have been doing all my life. I'd probably have to power-walk 20 kms on daily basis for it to have any fitness benefits.
The current adventure started with a fitness class. I don't remember what my reasoning was, why I decided to go to the gym that particular day and why I was adamant about sticking with it, or even why I opted for that particular class. I just went.
Perhaps I was thinking that a class might be a better way to ease back into exercise. There is variety, there is action, it's about following the instructor. And once you're there, you've got to stay - it's not possible to press the 'stop' button and leave, or certainly not without attracting attention to oneself. I also knew that the instructor was a good one.
I still can't believe how much fun I had and what pleasure it was (despite a very very awkward moment early on). It was hard work, can't deny that, and my legs were about to give out on one of the jumping lounges sets. But I persisted, and with a huge grin on my face at that.
Fitness classes were never my forte. I always struggled with keeping up, with keeping the rhythm and was always one move behind and doing the right leg when everyone else was doing the left. I used to think that my 'newness' was the reason and that I'd improve with time. Didn't really happen. I did stop feeling so self-conscious about my mistakes, but I still avoid being in the front of the class.
However, this particular class was a breeze. I did mess up, not once, but only slightly. And I was able to catch up in no time and not to make the same mistake again. It felt good. Next day I was sore, and felt even better knowing that I had worked hard and that my body knew and appreciated it.
I've been going back regularly, to this class and to the gym itself. A bit of running, a bit of this and that. I haven't missed any of the killer classes since my first visit, and I know that I'll miss it in two week's time, when I'm planning to head out of the city for the whole day. I wish that could happen on a different day of the week so that I could go to my fitness class.
Is that addiction? It might be. I'd like to do more. Heck, I'd go to the gym twice a day! The day when I left my runners at home and thus couldn't go to a step class or do any other exercise was not a happy one. :P But I recognize that I've got to be realistic with myself and remember my other priorities. I'll stick with what I'm doing, focus on enjoying it and not losing my positive attitude, and I'll do more when it's possible.
In a way, all this feels like a rebirth, or a new coming of my gym bunny alter ego. The difference is that this time I'm not making myself do anything. I do not wake up thinking "oh yes, gym, yes, have got to go, promised myself." I want to go. I want to work out. I want to feel soreness the next day.
All this makes me think that this isn't just a new sequel in the series of a limited number of gym-based episodes which end suddenly and unexpectedly and get forgotten until the new sequel makes the top of the priority chart a long while later. I don't want to jinx myself (or feel like a fraud if this does turn out to be a new sequel in the series). But I feel that I am having too much fun for that to happen. So what changed?
One day in January I was very early for my trampoline class, and decided to kill time by having a relaxed lunch. My spot of choice would have been one of the couches overlooking the pool gallery, except none were free. Undaunted, I pushed the heavy door leading to the actual gallery and found a spot on the long wooden bench. Below me was an Olympic-sized swimming pool, and about a dozen people of various ages were enjoying lane swimming.
I watched them casually while enjoying my sandwich, a small yoghurt and a very juicy orange. It was still too early for trampoline when I was done eating, so I stayed on. The fragrance of the orange hung in the air for a bit, and was gradually taken over by the typical swimming pool smell of sanitized wetness. I remember watching the swimmers and the sparking water and thinking, I miss this.
That didn't take me to the gym. I did want to go swimming or to Aquafit, but first I had to find a solution to my swim-wear problem. The destruction of my swimsuit seems to have been an unwanted side-effect of my pool visits back in October. I'm guessing that the chlorine combined with the subsequent lack of use and a slight decrease in my size changed my Speedo into a shapeless, stretched, ugly something with bits of rubber (lycra?) all over and stiff strings-once-shoulder-straps.
I don't think I could swim without my entire chest area being on display, which is not something I'm keen on.:-S This problem has not been rectified yet, partly because I don't have the funds for a new swimsuit, and partly because I'm loath to purchase a new one only to have it destroyed in a similar way within a few months. So realizing that I miss the pool didn't exactly translate into embracing the wish for a swim.
Not long after that pool gallery lunch, I was attending a two-day self-defence workshop. I had expected it to be just skills, but we also had a lot of discussion and the whole experience turned out to be much less of a workout than I had expected. However, we did get to practice different blows and kicks and blocks, and did get quite physical while practicing the said moves on rolled up mats - and trying hard to make them fly. I remember feeling slightly puffed after delivering a series of blows, and the feeling of victory when the mat did fly. And I remember thinking, This feels good. I want to feel like this more often. I really miss it.
Guess where I headed the following weekend? :)
I'm no stranger to "I'll start going to the gym regularly next week/ next month/ after exams." I'm no stranger to getting all revved up, working out like a maniac for one, two, maybe three weeks and then never wandering anywhere near the gym for months, until a new "This time I'll stick with it" phase hit. Even early this year I was ready to make gym-going resolutions. I didn't though, and my recent gym going has little to do with 'resolving' to incorporate regular exercise into my life.
After a few half-hearted visits to the campus gym in September and early October (only Aquafit classes, as far as I can remember), the place had not been graced with my presence until mid-February. I spent all those months feeling guilty and discouraged. Thankfully there was no associated bank account depletion, since my gym membership is covered by university tuition.
Still, I alternated between feeling guilt about not having made myself visit the gym, and guilt for having wasted precious money on locker rental and towel service (that was at times when I was sure I'd never make use of either again). There was a lot of "I just don't have the time" or "I just can't make the time next week or the week after, look at all this stuff I'm already behind on everything" and "I don't want to, don't feel like it and hate the gym anyway."
I wasn't completely inactive - there were trampoline classes, skating, occasional yoga and a few runs. And I was walking to campus and back, 40 minutes one way, pretty much every single day of the week. Yoga and runs were too infrequent to really count as a fitness effort. And I've never considered any of the other activities to be 'hardcore' exercise. Trampoline was my new fun activity, and it wasn't exactly a workout because bouncing time was rather limited due to class size. Skating has always been about fun, and fun only - even though some days I am drenched with sweat afterwards. Walking is no deal for me - it's something I love and have been doing all my life. I'd probably have to power-walk 20 kms on daily basis for it to have any fitness benefits.
The current adventure started with a fitness class. I don't remember what my reasoning was, why I decided to go to the gym that particular day and why I was adamant about sticking with it, or even why I opted for that particular class. I just went.
Perhaps I was thinking that a class might be a better way to ease back into exercise. There is variety, there is action, it's about following the instructor. And once you're there, you've got to stay - it's not possible to press the 'stop' button and leave, or certainly not without attracting attention to oneself. I also knew that the instructor was a good one.
I still can't believe how much fun I had and what pleasure it was (despite a very very awkward moment early on). It was hard work, can't deny that, and my legs were about to give out on one of the jumping lounges sets. But I persisted, and with a huge grin on my face at that.
Fitness classes were never my forte. I always struggled with keeping up, with keeping the rhythm and was always one move behind and doing the right leg when everyone else was doing the left. I used to think that my 'newness' was the reason and that I'd improve with time. Didn't really happen. I did stop feeling so self-conscious about my mistakes, but I still avoid being in the front of the class.
However, this particular class was a breeze. I did mess up, not once, but only slightly. And I was able to catch up in no time and not to make the same mistake again. It felt good. Next day I was sore, and felt even better knowing that I had worked hard and that my body knew and appreciated it.
I've been going back regularly, to this class and to the gym itself. A bit of running, a bit of this and that. I haven't missed any of the killer classes since my first visit, and I know that I'll miss it in two week's time, when I'm planning to head out of the city for the whole day. I wish that could happen on a different day of the week so that I could go to my fitness class.
Is that addiction? It might be. I'd like to do more. Heck, I'd go to the gym twice a day! The day when I left my runners at home and thus couldn't go to a step class or do any other exercise was not a happy one. :P But I recognize that I've got to be realistic with myself and remember my other priorities. I'll stick with what I'm doing, focus on enjoying it and not losing my positive attitude, and I'll do more when it's possible.
In a way, all this feels like a rebirth, or a new coming of my gym bunny alter ego. The difference is that this time I'm not making myself do anything. I do not wake up thinking "oh yes, gym, yes, have got to go, promised myself." I want to go. I want to work out. I want to feel soreness the next day.
All this makes me think that this isn't just a new sequel in the series of a limited number of gym-based episodes which end suddenly and unexpectedly and get forgotten until the new sequel makes the top of the priority chart a long while later. I don't want to jinx myself (or feel like a fraud if this does turn out to be a new sequel in the series). But I feel that I am having too much fun for that to happen. So what changed?
One day in January I was very early for my trampoline class, and decided to kill time by having a relaxed lunch. My spot of choice would have been one of the couches overlooking the pool gallery, except none were free. Undaunted, I pushed the heavy door leading to the actual gallery and found a spot on the long wooden bench. Below me was an Olympic-sized swimming pool, and about a dozen people of various ages were enjoying lane swimming.
I watched them casually while enjoying my sandwich, a small yoghurt and a very juicy orange. It was still too early for trampoline when I was done eating, so I stayed on. The fragrance of the orange hung in the air for a bit, and was gradually taken over by the typical swimming pool smell of sanitized wetness. I remember watching the swimmers and the sparking water and thinking, I miss this.
That didn't take me to the gym. I did want to go swimming or to Aquafit, but first I had to find a solution to my swim-wear problem. The destruction of my swimsuit seems to have been an unwanted side-effect of my pool visits back in October. I'm guessing that the chlorine combined with the subsequent lack of use and a slight decrease in my size changed my Speedo into a shapeless, stretched, ugly something with bits of rubber (lycra?) all over and stiff strings-once-shoulder-straps.
I don't think I could swim without my entire chest area being on display, which is not something I'm keen on.:-S This problem has not been rectified yet, partly because I don't have the funds for a new swimsuit, and partly because I'm loath to purchase a new one only to have it destroyed in a similar way within a few months. So realizing that I miss the pool didn't exactly translate into embracing the wish for a swim.
Not long after that pool gallery lunch, I was attending a two-day self-defence workshop. I had expected it to be just skills, but we also had a lot of discussion and the whole experience turned out to be much less of a workout than I had expected. However, we did get to practice different blows and kicks and blocks, and did get quite physical while practicing the said moves on rolled up mats - and trying hard to make them fly. I remember feeling slightly puffed after delivering a series of blows, and the feeling of victory when the mat did fly. And I remember thinking, This feels good. I want to feel like this more often. I really miss it.
Guess where I headed the following weekend? :)
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
On the Path of Life
I've been thinking about this blog on and off all week long. Trying to decipher what I want from it, trying to make up my mind regarding which part of my life to share and which to keep to myself. No conclusions so far, so I think I'll just take things as they come. Let this be a life blog.
The big fact about me is that I am very reluctant to have one thing, one activity, one point of focus, basically one of anything take over my life and define me. I am also very reluctant to place myself in boxes, and to have that placing determine me and my life. That's why I try to avoid saying things such as "all my life, I have had a problem with X" or "I suffer from Y." This is where the dificulty with writing a proper introduction might be stemming from. After all, an intro requires us to state such things.
At this point, I'm seeing my life as a journey of discovery. I also feel that I'm finally on the rebound from the up-and-down of the past 2-3 years, that I am once again becoming the me that I once was and knew. The me I was happy with. Each day, I realize and notice new things - about myself, about my outlook, about my attitude and approach.
Just a few months ago, I was feeling lost and miserable, and struggled with believing that "things would sort themselves out." Today, I am still on the search for the right answer and the solution The big difference is that I am enjoying the journey and willing to take my time with it. And I feel that I'm on the right path. I am looking forward to where the road of life will take me, and I will work hard to become a better and healthier person along the way.
The big fact about me is that I am very reluctant to have one thing, one activity, one point of focus, basically one of anything take over my life and define me. I am also very reluctant to place myself in boxes, and to have that placing determine me and my life. That's why I try to avoid saying things such as "all my life, I have had a problem with X" or "I suffer from Y." This is where the dificulty with writing a proper introduction might be stemming from. After all, an intro requires us to state such things.
At this point, I'm seeing my life as a journey of discovery. I also feel that I'm finally on the rebound from the up-and-down of the past 2-3 years, that I am once again becoming the me that I once was and knew. The me I was happy with. Each day, I realize and notice new things - about myself, about my outlook, about my attitude and approach.
Just a few months ago, I was feeling lost and miserable, and struggled with believing that "things would sort themselves out." Today, I am still on the search for the right answer and the solution The big difference is that I am enjoying the journey and willing to take my time with it. And I feel that I'm on the right path. I am looking forward to where the road of life will take me, and I will work hard to become a better and healthier person along the way.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
